Merchant Crab

Read Time: 2 Minutes

Balthazar (a brilliantly over the top name for a crab) likes his muddy pond. He has all the fish he can eat and he’s sure he’ll catch one of those pesky birds one day. His tranquillity is disturbed by the growing number of adventurers walking past.

Not quite Mr Krabs from SpongeBob, but just as money obsessed in a lot of ways. His gruff voice and no-nonsense attitude towards buying and selling had me laughing, Johnathan McClain helping this a lot with his usual over-the-top narration style. He suits the material well. 

Balthazar is a hilariously angry (or should that be crabby?) crab. After being in no way responsible the for the death of a couple of adventurers and not at all looting their gear, he acquires system access and gets attributes, levels, and skills.

He sets up buying and selling from his little pond, getting a reputation among the locals. Very food obsessed after trading for a slice of pie and enjoys acquiring wealth mostly because it can be traded for more baked goods.

It’s a massive story at a touch over 25 hours runtime, and book two (yes, I have already added it to my pile) is just as long. 

Heaps of stuff going on in this world which we get little glimpses of. Things obviously being set in motion to pay off later down the line, plus plenty of… not exactly side quests because it’s all centred around his pond, but similar types of diversions.

It’s sort of like a reverse Isekai, where someone in the world gets the system powers that locals don’t get, only the adventurers. 

H0St, the author, uses a trope which I love, namely human reactions to things even though physically impossible, like (as a crab) blinking or squinting without eyelids, but somehow does the motion. I love it when authors have their characters do this.

I also enjoy when they have an irrational hatred for something that is absolute. In Balthazar’s case, it’s birds he loathes, and he’s more than happy for them all to die.

A slowly growing cast of supporting characters from goblins, skeletons, golems and even making friends with some of the humans. Plus, an arch nemesis that’s evil enough to really root against.

I enjoyed the entire time I spent listening to this crabby crab and his little shop on the side of the road. He hoards gold like a mimic, though deep down has a heart of gold even with his outer shell all gruff and standoffish. 

Overall, super enjoyable and hours and hours of entertainment for a single credit. That’s a heck of a lot of crab, and I’ve already got the next one!

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