Apocalypticon

Read Time: 4 Minutes

I picked up Apocalypticon after I had some weird half-memories of it from reading on my Kindle a decade ago. I remembered that I liked parts, disliked other parts, then filed it away under “maybe revisit someday”, but otherwise remembered very little. While browsing various genres on Audible I spotted the audiobook and figured I might as well let someone else do the heavy lifting this time round and have it read to me!

I did flip-flop on the purchase a few times as I remembered struggling with the book at first all those years ago, always stopping and starting because I couldn’t work out if I enjoyed it or not. I could never quite get into the banter between the main characters.

So, for about the past half-century, Jamaica has been funnelling tourist dollars into a secret chemical weapons program, with the ultimate aim of destroying the world. Or at least the USA, but I got the impression throughout the book though the rest of world had mostly been wiped out too. So naturally when they attack it comes as a complete surprise (like being mugged by Canada I guess) and most of the world dies.

Patrick and Ben are two wise cracking (think Gilmore Girls type banter) who have survived and are trying to make the most of their post-apocalyptic life. We join them after a few years have passed as they’re preparing to leave Chicago on a pilgrimage south to Disney World in Florida. Initially it seems like a random destination, but little clues fed to us in the beginning and then throughout speak to the true nature of the trip.

Thinking back, the banter was the main problem I had and the reason why I first put it aside. At the time I felt the dialogue between Ben and Patrick was a little unbelievable. Witty banter is fine, but it seemed like that was the only way these guys could communicate with anyone. Looking back on it, I guess it’s a kind of coping mechanism.

For the first hour or so I kept having little flashbacks of “oh yeah, this part”. It is a strange sort of nostalgia, remembering that you once weren’t sure whether you liked something. But this time I didn’t feel tempted to stop. The audio gives the story a looser, more playful shape. The world is ruined, sure, but everything feels slightly surreal rather than bleak, and Patrick Lawlor leans into that vibe with a kind of deadpan brightness. He reads the absurdity straight, which makes it funnier.

The story follows these two friends crossing a broken landscape in search of Disney World after setting out from Chicago. Along the way they face an array of insane individuals, all twisted in their own unique way by the apocalypse. Gangs who have taken over bridges and demand tolls paid in whatever you’ve got (food, weapons, booze), a mad Amtrak conductor and his lackeys, almost indestructible zombie-ish type people, cults of religious nutbags, and one especially creepy household that haven’t noticed the apocalypse has come.

For some reason most of the people who survived were either psychopaths or otherwise deranged, or have become so since. Probably one of my favourite moments involved a buffalo they adopt along the way that possesses mad ninja-like skills. Either way it makes for an interesting journey.

The pacing on audio felt looser but oddly steadier. The early banter settled down a bit sooner than I expected but does continue throughout. That was my biggest hurdle the first time, so getting past it without feeling irritated helped a lot. Once the story hits its middle stretch, the friendship between Ben and Patrick starts to feel more grounded.

Lawlor’s narration carries the book well. Production is clean, no distracting effects, just a single steady voice guiding you through a ruined landscape that refuses to take itself too seriously.

The first time I read this, I thought Patrick’s nihilistic behaviour and general attitude towards life seemed in contradiction of his desire to get to Disney World, but knowing better the second time around it makes sense. His character runs a lot deeper than first appears. The big payoff for this novel is the ending, and I am so glad I gave it that second chance. A poignant moment that made me wish I had “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” by Simple Minds playing in the background.

If you like your post apocalypse with a strange sense of humour, a couple of flawed but oddly lovable characters, and an ending that hits softer than you expect, the audiobook gives Apocalypticon a better rhythm than the page did for me. I am glad I circled back.

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