The Totally Legend of Brandon Thighmaster

Read Time: 2 Minutes

Brandon Thighmaster, sexually attractive monk from the Temple of the Many Fists, ab-crunched his way into my world when he joined the Authors and Dragons podcast which I’ve been listening to since its inception. I remember his debut episode like I listened to it yesterday, mainly because I almost died from laughing. All that said, you don’t need to have listened to the podcast to enjoy this story.

This tale, set in the same universe as the podcast, follows the embodiment of ultimate physical perfection as he embarks on his quest to leave the monastery where he has spent his entire life honing his fighting prowess and punch his way through the entire back uncatalogued of fauna and occasionally the flora the world provides.

His character wanders thoughtlessly and aimlessly, always seeing opportunities to look at himself or work on his cardio routine, until he stumbles upon a rouge, Pritti Brightblade, in dire need of rescuing from a group of orcs. After a successful intimidation which is misunderstood by the orcs, he joins his first party of adventurers and joins the good fight to save a nearby settlement.

Written with the same humour Steve delivers each fortnight during the podcast, this was an entertaining read from start to finish. Set in the D&D universe the Authors and Dragons podcast is played in meant I didn’t need to try to understand the world mechanics. I already knew the systems of that world so it felt like home.

The narrator, Wally Schrass, does a fine job and I got lost in the story as he told it. As used to Steve’s voice as I am for Brandon, I took to Wally’s reading easily. Yes, at first I wondered how I would go listening to someone obviously not Brandon, but once the story got started this no longer concerned me. Not being told from Brandon’s perspective helped a great deal with this.

There are a number of races Wally voices throughout, and he gives them all a distinct sound so I had no issue keeping them all straight in my head.

TL;DR
Regardless of if you’re familiar with the podcast or not, this tale of the Brandon narcissistic monk can be easily enjoyed in a sitting or two.

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Update: 2025 – This audiobook no longer seems to be available anywhere.

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