The Long Shoe

Read Time: 3 Minutes

I first came across Bob Mortimer through 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown, where he occasionally appears as a guest to spin surreal stories and generally make everyone lose it laughing. He’s always had that offbeat, quietly absurd kind of humour that sneaks up on you, so when I saw his name attached to an audiobook, I figured I’d give it a go. The Long Shoe is exactly the sort of strange, slow-burn story I hoped it would be.

Our main character, Matt Giles, has just been laid off from his job selling bathroom hardware. His wife, Harriet, is a high-powered Crown prosecutor, and their cat, Goodmonson, is unreasonably fixated on buying a motorbike which we learn through Matt’s conversations with the cat. That sort of says a lot about where we’re starting from. One day, Harriet disappears without warning, and Matt’s life starts to unravel in the kind of quietly bewildered way only a British comic could write.

The story itself is a mix of mystery, melancholy, and low-key humour. It’s a bit of a shaggy-dog story in that it meanders around, throwing up odd characters and stranger situations without ever rushing to explain itself. Matt’s neighbour Carol is delightfully unhinged and far too interested in his personal life. His new boss, Lowrance, is so over-the-top that every scene with him feels slightly unmoored from reality. There’s also the small matter of hidden cameras in apartments, a possibly missing wife, and a creeping suspicion that not everything is quite as it seems.

Mortimer’s writing walks that fine line between funny and quietly tragic. Matt’s world is full of red herrings, coincidences, and weird little connections that make you second-guess everything. One thing I felt a little cheated by was a mismatch in the timeline of certain, fairly important events. I’m fine with being misled by red herrings, quite enjoy it actually, but this was more a moment where I had to mutter “hang on a minute” out loud. It doesn’t completely derail things but I did feel a little short-changed.

The charm in the story though is in how it all unfolds: the daft conversations, the small absurdities, and the way even the strangest moments feel oddly relatable. The humour isn’t big or flashy, but it’s steady, with that dry English understatement that makes it all the more satisfying. It’s not one for belly laughs, but it will keep you smiling, mostly because of how seriously it takes its own ridiculousness.

It’s narrated mostly by Bob Mortimer himself but switches in certain chapters by Diane Morgan and Arabella Weir. Mortimer does a good job anchoring the story as Matt, keeping things subdued even when the absurdity creeps in. Morgan, who most people probably know as her alter-ego character of Philomena Cunk, slips easily into the role of Harriet, and brings a dry, weary realism that fits the tone perfectly. Weir rounds out the cast with solid delivery and embodies Carol, Matt and Harriet’s nosy neighbour, well. Production-wise, it’s clean and well put together, no odd cuts or distractions, and the ensemble narration keeps things varied enough to stay interesting.

By the end, I was left feeling like I’d just spent a few days inside someone’s dream where logic is optional but sincerity is mandatory. It’s an odd, gentle story with an undercurrent of mystery and just enough absurdity to remind you that life rarely makes sense. Mortimer’s humour translates well to audiobook form, and even though not every gag lands, it’s impossible not to like.

I’ll definitely be checking out more of Mortimer’s work. The Long Shoe is a quietly peculiar listen that proves you don’t need wild twists or high drama to keep someone hooked; just a talking cat, a missing wife, and a writer who knows how to make nonsense feel meaningful.

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